Oldskooler Ramblings

As I wrote before in 12-step program, I’m going to try to change my lifestyle to become more healthy and fit. While weight loss will inevitably ensue, it is not the focus of this change. I’ve yo-yo’d between a high and low of 30 pounds in the last four years, and it’s starting to wear me down. Half the days of the week I walk around in general malaise. Time to change.

Every step will take a month, because some smart person ran some smart study that found it takes about 20 days to establish a new habit. I’m going to attempt one habit at a time. Nice and slow.

The month of January is step 1: Detox. By “detox”, I really mean “stop eating pure shit”. With the exception of carbonated drinks (don’t worry, that’s a later step), I’m going to try to stay away from food that was prepared or treated with chemicals; I’m going to only eat food that I either prepare myself, or that I can watch being prepared (ie. a sandwich). I know this may paint me as some sort of organic “whole foods” vegan nutcase, but it’s not that at all; I’m still going to eat burgers and the like but this time I’m going to make them myself out of raw ingredients so that I can maximize my food-to-chemicals ratio. No more chips, candy bars, or cookies; no more frozen meals or appetizers (which I sometimes inhale as meals). This also means most fast food is out, which means I must bid adieu to my good friends McDonald’s and Taco Bell. We’ve had good times, but I’m afraid the love is gone. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Lack of snacks are going to be tough, but luckily I have my old popcorn tricks to tide me over. And pop, for now.

While previous attempts at losing weight and feeling better have been successful, I fall squarely into the 90% of the population who eventually give up (I prefer the term “losing interest”) and gain it all back. So I’ve decided to take things easy and make small, gradual changes meant to help me feel better. While weight loss will probably follow, it’s not the main goal. I have some severe life changes coming up in the next 18 months of my life and I want to be physically able to handle them. Mental ability will follow.

Every new month will bring about a change. “New month resolutions”, if you will. Should be fun.

What the hell:

• weight: 233 lbs
• body fat percentage: 29.0 %
• health index: WTF fatty

These results anger me. I cheated slightly on Saturday and Sunday but there’s no way that, over the course of a week, I somehow ingested 7000 extra calories over my break-even intake. I did not gain two pounds in a single week. So, either my previous measurement was wrong, or this one is (although I did it three times and took the average). Hmph.

An odd improvement:

• weight: 231 lbs
• body fat percentage: 29.0 %
• health index: Slightly less fat

Weight went down, BFP went up.  Odd.  Probably because I took my measurements in the morning instead of the evening.  Note to self:  Be more consistent.

A mild improvement:

• weight: 233 lbs
• body fat percentage: 27.0 %
• health index: fatty boom boom

Mel thinks my body is hoarding everything in some sort of survival mode because, up until a few days ago, I’ve been limiting myself to 1200 calories a day.  A few days ago is when I learned 1200 a day for a male was unrealistic (I achieved it without a hunger problem, but it was affecting my mood adversely) so I’m up to 1500 calories now.

So a secret part of my weight-loss plan was to have something to look forward to — nearline, not far. I know the ultimate goal is looking and feeling better, but that’s hard to justify when you pass by some donated goodies in the office or are invited out to the Bust-a-Gut Cafe for lunch. So, much like Weight Watchers allows 35 extra points per week, I’ve been saving up Saturday as a day of sin. I figure from 9am to 9pm Saturday I can eat whatever I want, and stick to 1500 calories the other six days like I’ve been doing. My body can absorb only so much, so even if I cram 10,000 calories into my gaping maw on Saturday, most of it is going to come out the pooper.

So here I am, it’s Saturday, and I’ve got two apple fritters next to me. I eat one… and I’m full. I swear, I feel like I’m going to make myself sick if I try to eat the second one.

Yesterday, I built myself a salad so large it needed a bigger bowl. And I couldn’t finish that either (although I did my best).

Can stomachs shrink?

TMI alert — turn back now if you don’t like TMI!

So I know I must be on the right track again, because I have become re-acquainted with one of the weight-loss side effects that I had forgotten about:  I am defecating 2, sometimes 3 times a day.   My anus isn’t used to this and is extremely unhappy with me at the moment.

Looks like unorthodox worked, although it was an unintentional fluke:

• weight: 234 lbs
• body fat percentage: 28.0 %
• health index: fatty bo-batty

Hm… 3 pounds, but no fat loss.  Water-weight?  Loss of muscle?

The past few days, I’ve had to work long hours and generally had no willpower at all during the day. I’ve had two 1800 calorie lunches and today I had a 1500 calorie lunch. So, to make up for it, I’ve had nothing but my mainstay snack for dinner all three nights in a row — My giant bowl of popcorn:

One meal a day is an unhealthy and stupid way to lose weight, since your body can’t possibly use a giant meal right away and it gets turned into fat. And yet, rumor has it that Sid Caesar used to do just that — he’d have one giant meal for dinner and tough it out until the next dinnertime.

Obviously, when work calms down, I plan on going back to my original plan, which was a slimfast for breakfast, a giant salad for lunch, and a reasonable dinner.

My previous attempt at losing weight was so tenuous that, when the body fat percentage scale broke about 3.5 months in, I allowed the event to spin me into a devil-may-care attitude that — don’t act too shocked — eventually ballooned me right back to where I started a year ago.

Such is life. Well, I have a new scale, a new year, and new motivation: I’m one of the speakers at Block Party, the only North American demoparty in 2007 and I would really not like to look like the comic-book guy on The Simpsons when I’m up there. I’ll be terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought anyway; I don’t need my appearance adding to the anxiety.

So this new body fat scale is… newer, which means it has a few more features. It takes sex into account (type, not frequency) as well as height, which means in addition to my weight and body fat percentage, I can view “total percentage of body water” and “general health index”. The percentage of body water is mostly useless (the scale claims 80% accuracy, but more importantly it doesn’t factor into my weight loss program), but the general health index is cute.

So here’s how we measure up on week one:

• weight: 237 lbs
• body fat percentage: 28.0 %
• health index: fatty fatty

Okay, so the actual “health index” text reads “obese”, but I thought I’d have a little fun.